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Could They Both Be Right?

Could They Both Be Right?

Worthyest
August 09, 2024 • Estimated Reading Time: 6 minutes

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“Two People Can See the Same Thing, Disagree, and Yet Both Be Right: It’s Not Logical, It’s Psychological”

We love this quote by Stephen R. Covey because it perfectly captures the essence of how perception can shape our interactions in relationships.

Picture this: You and your partner are standing in the kitchen, staring at the same pile of dishes, but you’re both seeing entirely different things. One of you is thinking, "Why can't they just load the dishwasher properly?" while the other wonders, "Why do they always make such a big deal about the dishes?" It’s the same scene, but you’re living in two different realities. How is that even possible? Welcome to the world of relationships, where logic often takes a backseat to psychology.

Perception: Your Brain’s Private Filter

Perception is like an Instagram filter for your brain. You’re both staring at the same pile of dishes, but your minds are adding their own twists. You’re both right. It’s not about what’s objectively true; it’s about how your brain interprets what it’s seeing. You’re just filtering the same situation through different lenses, shaped by everything from past experiences to the kind of day you’ve had.

Cognitive Biases: The Invisible Puppeteers

Then there’s the sneaky stuff—cognitive biases. These are like invisible strings pulling your thoughts without you even realizing it. One big player is confirmation bias, which makes your brain say, “See, I knew it!” before you’ve fully processed the situation.

For example, if you’re already feeling distant, every little thing your partner does—or doesn’t do—fits into that narrative. They don’t text back immediately? They must not care. Didn’t notice your haircut? They’re obviously not paying attention. But what if they’re just busy or tired? Both of your interpretations feel totally valid because that’s how cognitive biases work.

Emotions: The Mood Ring of Your Mind

Emotions are like mood rings—constantly shifting and always affecting how you see the world. A good mood might make your partner’s silence feel cozy, but on a bad day, it can feel like rejection.

Your emotions color everything your partner says or does, and vice versa. When you’re reacting differently to the same situation, it’s because your emotional states are cranking everything up in different directions.

Subjective Reality: Your Relationship’s Superpower

The power of subjective reality is the idea that everyone’s truth is shaped by their unique experiences, thoughts, and feelings. In a relationship, this means what you see and feel is valid—for you—and the same goes for your partner. When you’re debating who’s right, the answer might be…both of you. You’re just seeing the situation from different angles, and both views are real in their own way.

Empathy: The Glue That Holds It All Together

So, how do you deal with these different perceptions, biases, and emotions? With empathy. It’s like the glue that pulls your relationship together, keeping everything connected and strong. Empathy means understanding that your partner’s perspective is just as valid as yours, even if it’s completely different.

Next time you’re in a disagreement, try this: Pause, take a deep breath, and really listen to what your partner is saying—not just the words, but where they’re coming from emotionally. This can help you bridge the gap between your different realities.

The Bottom Line

Relationships aren’t about winning arguments or proving who’s right. They’re about understanding that two people can see the same thing, disagree, and still both be right. It’s not just about logic—it’s about navigating the messy, beautiful, psychological dance that is human connection. With a little empathy, you can make it through to the other side—together.

Sources

Schwarz, N., & Clore, G. L. (1983). Mood, misattribution, and judgments of well-being: Informative and directive functions of affective states. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 45(3), 513-523.
Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
Tversky, A., & Kahneman, D. (1974). Judgment under Uncertainty: Heuristics and Biases. Science, 185(4157), 1124-1131.
Watzlawick, P. (1984). The Invented Reality: How Do We Know What We Believe We Know? W.W. Norton & Company.

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