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You Didn’t Sign This Contract, but You’re Following It Anyway
Worthyest
February 27, 2025 • Estimated Reading Time: 10 minutes
Good morning. Thursday is that almost-there day, close enough to the weekend to see it but still in the thick of the week. Before the weekend rush, take a moment to think about this.
Every relationship has unspoken expectations. Who texts first? Who listens more? Who takes on the responsibility of emotional support? These silent contracts shape our connections, sometimes in ways that feel natural and sometimes in ways that slowly drain us.
When expectations go unspoken, they often go unexamined. Here’s what’s important to remember: these unspoken agreements aren’t set in stone. They can change. Let’s take a closer look at the silent contracts shaping your relationships and how to adjust the ones that no longer work.
The Silent Contract: The Unspoken Agreements That Define Relationships
Whether we realize it or not, every relationship follows a set of unspoken rules. They’re rarely discussed, but they shape how we interact: who reaches out first, who takes on more emotional labor, who carries the weight of keeping things running smoothly.
Some of these agreements create balance. A best friend who knows exactly when to check in. A partner who instinctively handles the things you hate doing. A sibling who understands your inside jokes without explanation. These unspoken rhythms can bring harmony.
But some silent contracts feel lopsided. The friend who only reaches out when they need something. The family member who assumes you’ll always be the one to compromise. The colleague who lets you do all the problem-solving. These patterns often go unchallenged because they weren’t explicitly agreed to. They just happened.
The problem? What goes unspoken also goes unexamined. When expectations build up in silence, so does resentment. We assume people should know what we need. We expect them to notice when something feels unfair. But unless we name it, how can they?
How to Rewrite the Silent Contract
If a relationship feels strained, take a closer look. What silent agreements are shaping it? Are they fair? Are they mutual? And if not, are you willing to rewrite them?
Notice the Pattern – Where do you feel obligated, drained, or taken for granted? Those feelings often point to an unspoken expectation.
Test the Assumption – Are you holding yourself to a rule the other person doesn’t even expect? Sometimes, we assume a role no one actually assigned us.
Say It Out Loud – The easiest way to change a silent contract is to name it. “Hey, I’ve noticed I always plan our meetups. Can we take turns?” Small shifts in communication can reset the balance.
Adjust the Rules as You Grow – As people change, so do relationships. The expectations that once made sense might not anymore. It’s okay to reassess and set new dynamics that better reflect who you are now.
Silent contracts don’t have to stay silent. The moment we bring them into the open, we have the power to change them.
Is there an unspoken rule in one of your relationships that could use a rewrite?
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